condescendence

he stands there wondering how everything is going to end up. the confusion of simple words turn to essays. eyes turn to delirium. a heart that pounds gallons, pounds an ocean. "i think this is it." staring at the wall, he screams. the glass on the opposite wall explode and shatter. he goes on longer, and feels his jaw snap. slightly falling to his knees. he crumples into himself and his shoulders slouch lower than they should. a bowed head, it's finally time to leave this place.

i felt like driving somewhere. somewhere far. like in those movies where you see the car just dissapear into the sunset. with the windows down and my song playing. i'd drive off a cliff. i want to feel the my ever fiber let go. i want to feel disaster take control. i want to know how it feels like to have no control over anything and everything. i want to let fate do what it does. see if the big man really think its my time. i want to know what it likes to lay on my back bruised and battered only to look up at the midnight sky. and wonder, "gawd, can anything be more beautiful than this?" i will never ever feel anything more painful than this, ever, and that itself will make me immune. immune to rejection.